The Dragon's Diary: Day 3 or maybe it's already 4/ Dragon in Doubt

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Weekends: the peak in any prostituting career, the heyday of hookering, the summit of sublime sensual sex for sale. And how did the Dragon spend it? Gloomily moping around, waiting for a call. I have a friend who earns some 20,000 on a good weekend, what has the Dragon to show? Zilch, nada, nichts, nothing. The only hits I’m getting on the ads are from the owners of the sims, probably hoping I’ll continue to rent.

Things are, in a word, not going well. Again.

Let me relate just a brief interlude that exemplifies what the Dragon up against. Last night, Sunday, the rock bottom – I hope – of escorting I found myself at one of the Sex sims (I probably was looking for “dance clubs”, maybe “book clubs” or even “social clubs” in search. It doesn’t matter what you type in, you’ll always land in a sex place, a Gorean Island or next to some Goth eventually). I was immediately chatted up but an escort - who I then explained, rather coldly, that I too was a escort and asked if she’d like to have my card.

“Ehm… no… I don’t need an escort either, hun”.

“Come on, don’t knock anything until you’ve tried it. And just take a look – it’s actually rather funny in parts.”

She heed and hawed but eventually let me pass the Dragon’s business card to her.

A moment of silence ensued.

“Are you serious!!!!???” she exclaimed.

“Well, ehm, yes… more or less.” I thought the notecard pretty much said it all.

“You don’t get much business, do you?”

“It’s okay” I hauntingly replied. “I can’t complain.” There is nothing worse then being told by another escort that you have the desirability of an STD. “I’ve had, ehm, offers.”

“From who????”

“I’m sorry, professional ethic restrains me from naming names.”

“You don’t have any!!!!”

In Real Life we would have gone into a “do to – do not” exchange for a while, but I think it being Sunday evening we were both just to lazy too type.

Honestly, it’s not a problem of not having any clients. I don’t want any. But it’s a bit like standing at the edge of the dance floor at Hot Sax. You may not want to dance with SpiritualSophi or DirtyDan (depending on your inclinations). But you at least want to be asked!

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The Geek shall inherit the Earth

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This is may be a bit off topic and not "In World" , but I – and you too for that matter - have just been insulted, albeit in a roundabout way and not very personally, by Ron Festejo.

Festejo is, if you didn’t know it, and I didn’t, creative director of Sony’s “Home”. Sony’s “Home” is, if you didn’t know it, and I’m almost certain most don’t, home to Sony Playsation’s own virtual world. Or soon to be. It was announced in May 2007 but, as of yet hasn’t really been seen in the wild.

Specifically Festejo says that Second Life users won’t be so keen on “Home”.

“We don’t have anything in there that’s appealing to that kind of geeky audience that you might find in Second Life”. That’s rather nice of him to warn us, but it’s the geek part that gets to me.

I want to childishly stamp my foot and yell “Takes one to know one!” I’m just afraid that exactly that might apply to Mr. Festejo.

I’m hoping that Festejo means geek in terms of someone who is obsessed with their computer and not what my Oxford tells me (“A person who is socially inept, boringly conventional, or overly studious”. In that case I have met a few in SL) But, based on the first definition, what I really wonder is where Ron Festejo has been in SL and where he met all the geeks.

I have met artists, hospital nurses, students, web designers, photographers, a bee keeper, some one who does pottery, sales assistants. Americans, English, Dutch, Swedes, Turks, Germans, Brazilians, Argentineans, Chinese.. you name it. I have talked to them about philosophy, SL – of course, family, football, elections, bee keeping (she did most of the talking though) and then a number of things I’d prefer not to mention here.

But I have never had a conversation anywhere in SL along the lines of using “nested if’s instead of switches “ in c++. I vaguely know I have a gigabyte of RAM in my PC, but don’t ask me if it’s PC 2700 or PC 3200. (Actually do, it’s a good chat up line.)

I’m not totally inept on a computer, but in SL I still end up pushing the picture frame I wanted to set up through the wall of my house, nailing it to the neighbours’ door and then wonder where it has gone to. And, considering some people I have met in SL, I’m judged to be a bit techie!

I am not going to get into the name calling game either, but consider this:

While I am not one to play with statistics as currently 64 percent of other bloggers do at least 34 percent of the time, I’d like to point out that if you google “geeks” and “Second Life” you get about 230,000 hits. Do the same using the term “playstation” you’re up at 516,000. I rest my case.

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The Dragon's Diary: Day 2/ After the Hump

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Ehm... don't get me wrong, I mean “Wednesday” with “the Hump”. And this Thursday is not going nearly as well for my budding career as an escort as yesterday went. I've gotten a few reports of people collecting my notecards from the ads I put up, but it appears that they all crashed and couldn't relog before having a chance to IM me. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

But, Thursdays are slow days as we in the escorting business always say. At least I hope that is what we always say. No calls, no offers, nothing. It appears I should get out and advertise in person.

But, honestly, I'm a bit afraid. I am rather new to the trade and the newspapers are just full of stories about young, innocent Dragons who end up in situations they weren't prepared for. So, instead of running off to the fullest club to flaunt my flanks and wiggle my wings I decide to do a dry run and learn a bit about pole dancing.

I find a secluded, empty venue with a dance pole and eagerly jump on. And get kicked off. Only for employees, I guess. Or only for non-Dragons I suspect. I blast the pole with an angry spout of fire and move on. Eventually, after a number of encounters with Reptile Racist Rods I discover a lonely place that should have tumbleweeds drifting through it.

I grab the pole and swing around. This is fun! And sexy. Well, I try to convince myself of both.

To be true it gets a bit tedious to watch after a while. I realize that one of the most important aspects of pole dancing is not going to be my prowess on the pole but my power of persuasion. I'll need to talk up customers. Fine, I can practice that too.

“Hello MysticMary! Why don’t you come over and take a seat?” I chat out to the empty room using a phrase I have often... I mean never... heard.

“You look hot today, hun” I add. Us escorts call everyone hun, it saves typing. We also call everyone hot.

“Do you like how my tail wiggles, SugarcubeHunnybun?" Build up a level of understanding and intimacy - Rule 27 in my "Successful Escorting on a Shoestring" book.

Not bad, I’m thinking, not bad at all for a start. Now up the ante. “For a small tip, hun, I might just remove my….”

Damn. How do you strip sensually when you’re naked already? Sure, I could detach a wing, my tail, some of the spikes, but how erotic would that be? Deconstruction Dancing is not a term I’m familiar with. This is going to be tougher then I thought.

Anyway, judge for yourself in the video what my chances are - and take our pole, sorry - poll if you haven't wandered off by now.

In all honesty, just how erotic is the Dragon's dance?

Where can I buy tickets?That is the hottest thing I have ever seen on the internet!Could we see the same with Tia, just for comparison purposes?And I thought the animated breasts looked ridiculous.

Free polls from Pollhost.com

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The Dragon's Diary: Day 1/ Ads and Advances

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This is going better then I suspected. If you remember the last post, we here at Notes from SL have decided to set the Dragon up as an escort. I had expected a week of rumination and reflection why reptilian services might not be in high order in SL, but yesterday has changed my mind.

I think it might just have something to do with the ads. And maybe the flames and especially the tongue. Yesterday I went out and began plastering SL with ad boards for Dragon Escort Services. They provide a lengthy description of what we offer (or, more specifically what we don’t, thanks to Tia's sense of protection). For those of you who can’t find them we will reprint it here. Many thanks to Tia for adding her advice, especially on what our services do not entail.

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Thank you for your interest in DRAGON ESCORT SERVICES

Are you looking for the hottest thing you can find?

Some one to really light your fire?

You clicked on the right place.

And we hope you like Dragons, because Dragons are what we have to offer! The raciest reptiles in Second Life!

Before you IM us, please take a note of what we do NOT offer.

DRAGON ESCORT SERVICES is only available for damsels, maids, ladies-in-waiting and similar folk. We do not provide our services to pages or yeomen. And NO KNIGHTS WHATSOEVER!

Services

We do not do:

• Whipping- don’t like the sound.
• Bondage - can't always undo the knots and where's the scissors when you need them?
• Wearing a collar - have been mistaken for a dog before and are scared of them
• Missionary position - prefer to eat missionaries and wouldn't want to make a mistake and have to give the money back.
• Oral sex - breath can singe a bit
• Doggy fashion - see above.
• Phone sex - you wouldn’t be able tell the difference between a good roar and a heavy breather anyway.
• Video sex – we don’t have a good side.
• Dogging style - see above.
• Eating food from the genital area - unless you like everything to be smoky BBQ flavour.
• Animal sex - see dogs above.
• Spanking - hands are a bit scaly. We end up spending too much time washing up hands later.
• Sex talk - likes to concentrate on what we are doing.
• Massage – those rough hands again
• Threesomes - can't cope with the competition.
• Outdoor sex - get mistaken for a dog - see above.

Everything else considered.

Payment is generally in babbles and/or loot

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We have also included a couple of pics to tantalize would be clients. Here a small selection:

Reclining at the Beach

Pole dancing (What's he got, that I do not?)

Skinny dipping!

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And, in closing, one last pic and some news. The Dragon is now also a Platinum Escort at the aptly named Platinum Escort Club. Here we see him hanging out with some new friends and/or colleagues.

Hush, Puppies

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My partner in crime, Tia, has just made a wonderful discovery.

That is. I think it's wonderful - she has been throwing around adjectives such as "ridiculous", "absolutely daft" and "absurd". She has, she tells me, found animated breasts that wiggle and wobble whilst you walk, jiggle and jangle, hop and bop. Sounds good to me, so I eagerly TP in to check them out.

As you undoubtedly know, breasts are quite a big topic in SL. I mean “big” in the measurement sense of the word. I'm not really that knowledgeable about what bra sizes mean except that they follow some inversed lettering system that would have had you drop out of school if you got that sort of grade. I'm just guessing, because I haven't – unfortunately – done enough research, but I suspect the average cup size in SL would probably be a C or even a D, maybe even a D minus if they are counted like that. And I have seen some real failing grades like the ones to the right.

Still, for all their glory, breasts in SL tend to be rather static, a bit like silicone implants in RL really. Animated breasts could be the next big thing, I hope, as I alight next to Tia.

Now, I know that men are not very good at noticing differences. I routinely compliment colleagues about their new hairdo, whether they have just been to the hairdresser or not. Just to be on the safe side. But I do, immediately, see the difference on Tia.

"You breasts have become a lot larger", I mention. (Though I might have said it slightly differently. More along the lines of "Wowzaa!!".)

Okay, maybe they don't really match her skin colour and the shirt that she had to wear if she didn’t want to run around topless is a bit tacky, but I feel I am in no position to complain. They don't bounce though which is what I mainly wanted to see. Tia hits some controls on them and they do begin to dance.

Lots of people can probably find a better example for the term "sinking feeling" but I think the nosedive my enthusiasm took when Tia's tatas began to sway fits it nicely. Well, maybe sway isn't even the right word… leap, jump, skip. She isn't even doing anything and they nod at me intensely; like some very understanding conversation partner.

But, perhaps we are just biased, we think. Maybe out there in the real SL world there are people who appreciate it when the person they are talking to appears to have two rabbits fornicating under their shirt. We decide, therefore, to take the puppies out for a walk.

…..and we weren't mistaken. In the club we choose no one seems to like them – well, no one admits to liking them. I can understand that the girls undulating on the stage might be overly critical, women can be that way. But even the men seem unimpressed. "I would never approach some one with things like that!" one guy swears. He himself is sporting a set of wings, by the way.

It seems that instead of one great leap forward for mankind authentically bouncing boobs in SL are something that we will still have to wait for. Maybe, in the meantime someone might come up with a similar attachment for men. Wobbling beer bellies, for example.

But maybe you have a different opinion. Have your say in our poll (don't forget to come back after you have voted!)

Which of the following statements best describes your opinion of animated breasts in Second Life?

They are the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.They are very nearly the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.If you want bouncing boobs, why not?Why didn’t you guys provide a slurl to where I can get them?Can you provide more footage of Tia?

Free polls from Pollhost.com

10 signs in Real Life that you are taking Second Life too seriously

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1) You take a picture of your avi to the hairdresser and say: “Like that!” – even more serious if you ask for prim shampoo when leaving.
2) You ask people standing at the bus stop if they’re having TP problems as well.
3) You don’t go to the changing room at the store when trying on new clothes.
4) You actually believe that you can tango.
5) You spend hours moving things around your home, but haven’t vacuumed the place in weeks.
6) You ask on vacation “how much is that in real money?” – and mean in Lindens.
7) You tap some one on the shoulder when in a group and say "Let's go to IM".
8) You realize that more then 50 percent of your friends have names like Sundance, Moonbeam or Pussycat.
9) You ask when buying furniture how many prims it has.
10) You read this blog every day, even if we don't post anything new.

Shock and Ah, why not?

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BBC 2's Wonderland, a show usually devoted to reporting about road kill-eating farmers or "The Secret Life of Norman Wisdom Aged 92¾" (their title not mine) broadcast last night a report on “Second Life: Virtual Adultery and Cyberspace Love”. I'm afraid I couldn't see it, but considering what has been written about it here or here it's bound to bring a slew of more stories, laced with lots of nude or nearly naked avatars for people to look at and say "That's ridiculous" while they continue to keenly eyeball them.

This sort of stuff makes me yawn, so I'd rather draw your attention to the plight of dragons in Second Life.

Ever since I was a little lizard, I've dreamed of becoming a dragon. Lot's of my co-lizards wanted to become dinosaurs, but having to choose between "extinct" and "mythical" I decided I'd go for the latter. Extinct means gone, mythical means it just can't be proven. A better career choice, in my opinion.

What did I like about dragons so much? Well there was the fire and smoke thing (and no, I did not burn that house down! That too is mythical). And damsels. And loot. But I guess what I loved most about dragons was their ability, at least in the stories I read, to strike fear and awe into nearly everyone.

So, I was actually quite happy to discover a dragon costume in SL I could slip into. And having done just that I decided to go pillaging or looting. Actually I could do neither as the costume doesn't come with those animations, so I ended up wandering around a bit.

And, unfortunately, I discovered that no one really is that shocked, much less awed, by a dragon in Second Life. I actually believe some people considered me part of the scenery. I had one, only one, brief moment as two guys TP'ed in behind me, that seemed promising. "Hello dragon", one said. It wasn't much, but I was ecstatic. I gave off a short blast of flames, flapped my wings passionately and was just typing in a "ROOOOOARRR" as I noticed that they had just wandered off. I bet they talk more to their postman than that.

I stood feeling very small, scaly and scathed.

Until I realized that in SL there are a group of people who will talk to any one! The escorts. I TP'd to Escort Alliance, or Island… forget which. And was promptly chatted up.

"Eaton hun, why don't you come take a seat?" some brunette warbled – quite a feat in itself considering it was just typed. I waddled over and stared sadly at my tail. Dragons don't sit, they crouch, hunker down or squat. I decided to remain standing.


"I'm a dragon!" I typed in enthusiastically.

"And you look HOT!" she answered.

A happy little lick of flame jettisoned from my jaws until I realized that she probably says that to all the dragons. Then I realized she probably says that to everyone.

One of those embarrassing silences sets in. You know the type I'm talking about: Your conversation partner absent-mindedly twirls around a dance pole and you stand there wiggling your tail. To bridge the gap I give her a tip and she promptly says (or writes) that she plants a kiss on my nose.

"It's a snout. It's called a snout on dragons," I explain emphatically.

"Hmmmm.."

More silence. No shock, no awe, nothing.

Maybe this wasn't the best career turn. But I suddenly have an idea. "What do you think my chances as a male escort dragon would be?"

"Hmmmmm… not too good, hun."

I leave shortly after that to change back into my jeans.