Spaced out

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I just got a notecard in SL that I haven’t been coming to my astrology classes and the sender was wondering why. I was wondering why too, because as far as I know, I’ve never been to astrology classes either in SL or RL. Maybe they know something about me I don’t, but you’d expect that from a decent astrologer.
On closer reading I discover it’s nothing more than a bit of advertising. And it’s spooky in the way only astrologers can be and make you wish they wouldn’t walk around with those sharp crystals or pointy pyramids.
“My life's mission to to alert you and everyone to the magnificence of Astrology's ability to show your connection to the the Universe, to light your Path (whatever it may be) and to illuminate your Profile, Events, and interpersonal meaning,” the notecard states. That is Very nice of Them, I think, though I Wonder why they use all the Capitals. And I’m not entirely sure I want my profile or events illuminated, and at no extent my interpersonal meaning.
“Remember, Astrology isn't just about "All is One," or "we know everything already." Astrology is practical too. Astrology helps it to be possible to "Really know" because it's in your nitty-gritty and current truth and disruption.” I almost want that to just stand there without comment, but I can’t. Astrology is in my nitty gritty? And in my current truth? And my disruption? I can’t help but think that astrology, pardon, Astrology is for confused people – and that has me more than confused.
“Astrology reveals your unconscious game plan (made before your current incarnation)…” OMG, they know my previous ave, they’re on to me!
“It walks in dilligent delight to show you yourself…” … as alliterations are awesomely added to advance aural assimilation without accepting any aid to apply. Or mean anything.
It goes on like this for a few more lines. Or to be more exact: It Continuously comments on Cosmic Contexts.

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Now on Facebook!

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Yes, become my friend, win prizes, amaze your parents! Link to the left in the sidebar!

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Checking out the chicks

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I don’t have kids and I’ve always found it mildly annoying to be around friends that do. Suddenly everything begins to rotate around the little blighters. Out goes the PS3, in comes the crib. Banished are all the sharp objects to make room for an odd collection of balls and teddy bears that litter the floor. Kids are, in a word, obtrusive – they take over your flat or your home, laying claim to it all with their grubby little hands.

I have to keep that in mind at the moment.

I logged on to SL to… errr…. well… clear event invitations and I just rushed…. I mean meandered over to check out how my three chicks were doing. Lucy, peeping away happily. Check. Linda? Strutting around on her little legs. Check. Eugene? Eugene? EUGENE!!!!!!

He was lost, gone, carried away by some stray cat or evil hearted hawk. I rushed around my land much like a chicken with its head cut off. If I had an animation “sit down and weep” I might have felt like using it. Eugene… cut down in the prim or prime of his life…. So young…. Sniff.

I finally found him; he’d fallen into the pool but didn’t seem the worse for it. But he was hunger so I gently nudged him to the feed bowl.

Then I rushed… errrr.. meandered off to get a coop for the guys. Okay, it’s a blight on my land right now and fits in, well, about as well as a grey ugly chicken coop fits in a heretofore lush and romantic tropical island. I’m now convincing myself that I’m not doing it for them. It’s all about me. Really.

Maybe I should get them some toys?

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Ain’t nobody here but us chickens

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I am not one to mindlessly follow hysterical trends – hell, I got my first pair of bell bottom jeans in 1979, I still think Katie Price is an It-Girl. I might even go so far to say that I was surprised to hear that the reports of Mark Twain’s demise were not greatly exaggerated. So I’d not be that astonished were I to discover that everyone has already heard about Sion Chickens.

For those of you still wearing bell bottoms let me briefly describe them: They are virtual chickens in SL that hatch, eat, grow up to become roosters or hens and have sex. Actually, I’m not so sure about the last bit, but this being SL I suspect they do. My friend Bavid has aptly depicted them as the tamagotchis of SL. Tamgotchis are the latest craze from Japan… no, wait, I think I’m a bit late on that one as well. Just google it if you don’t know what a tamagotchi is.

There is, of course, something amazingly peculiar about having a virtual pet in a virtual world. Peculiar, but apparently also very persuasive. Just how popular the little balls of feathers have become can be seen by visiting the main store of the creator. I haven’t seen a line like that since I accidently visited Neva Neva.

I am, of course, not falling for this mass hysteria. But I do know I have a duty to stay informed and in the loop. So, I purchased a starter pack (three eggs and four portions of chicken feed) for scientific purposes. And yes, I know “scientific purposes” is a euphemism for everything from using recreational drugs to buying porn mags to voting Republican. It’s disgusting and dirty and demeaning if your friends find out.

I also know from a bit of scientific reading that it would have been best to name the chickens something like “Chick001", “Chick002”, and so on. Giving them names like “Eugene”, “Lucy” and “Linda” might emotionalize my research and bring people to believe that I lack the emotional distance to observe these fluffy little balls of joy… I mean Gallus Virtualus, of course.

I’ll also deny that I stood watching the eggs for 15 minutes hoping something would happen. And even if I did, it wasn’t a very emotional moment – open your fridge, take out an egg and look at it for a while. It was about that exciting. And, to be honest, after that brief moment of parental pride when Lucy, then Eugene and finally that little beauty of a biddy Linda deshelled, watching them stumble around my land was about as exciting as reading a phone book.

As you can see, I’m not going to get caught up with doting indulgently on them. Though I will keep you up to date on their current state. I think I might just go check them now. I wonder if Lucy would like a satin lined nest when she gets bigger...

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Nothing Rhymes with Orange

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I’d like to mention, again, that I don’t spend all my time dancing in clubs. I do other things. I do poetry for example. So I was delighted to discover a poetry reading to go to. I think I arrived (wearing a brown jacket with leather patches on the elbows, of course) with a few misconceptions though – for example that they would actually read my poem to the crowd – so my oeuvre about an agile, partly nocturnal, quadruple carnivorous animal with smooth fur and retractile claws that was reclining on a piece of coarse, woven material used as a protective covering for floors went unheard.

At the start I also failed to realize that the poems were being read over voice chat so I was a bit confused about all the applauding going on, but not really: Poets = Substance Abuse (see pic to the left as proof: Those were the people at the reading).

Having figured that out I proceeded to sit through a number of well read but slightly confusing poems. I was also a bit annoyed that they were reading poems from avatars who weren’t even present at the event – and I couldn’t find D.H. Lawrence’s or Margaret Atwood’s profile in search either! But I still hoped I’d hear the presenter saying “And now a poem from someone here. This is from Eaton and it’s called ‘The cat sat on the mat’”. But nope, she went on to read something called Clovis by Klannex Northmead – who was actually there and got two of his or her poems read. One was about being a Clovis arrow tip, if I remember correctly.

For being such a poetically inclined crowd the people there weren’t really that eloquent. “Applause!!!” and “Applauds!” seemed to be what any poem merited. I asked if we actually discussed the poems and was told that we didn’t, just listened. That’s poetic license for “shut the f**k up”, I guess. But they did talk a bit about ampersands for a while – which I personally believe should be read aloud as their ASCII number, but I guess I’m the minority view on that.

With a last poem from the presenter things closed down. I wanted to go away with everybody to a nice pub to discuss the poems – and maybe quickly tell them my own. But my suggestion fell on deaf ears. Snotty, snub poet lovers!

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Trying to be civilized

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Lest you think that I spend all my time on SL frivolously wasting my time away in clubs, I can assure you that I don’t. Well, as of yesterday I can, at least. Having nothing better to do I decided to go out and do something for my edyoukayshun and happily discovered a discussion group discussing “Civilization”.

We were a small crowd of normal SLers, a few humans, a guy in a suit of armor and a cat-headed giant lollypop, a small green robot- The discussion was moderated by a woman that looked like one of those actresses in a Hollywood movie who plays the role of the bookworm but would eventually remove her glasses, release her hair and you find out she wears lacy underwear. She didn’t actually.

This is how it started: “A HOME TO OR A COMMUNITY? HOW DOES IT AFFECT US ? AND WHY IS THERE CIVILIZATION WHEN WE CAN LIVE ALONE? ... HERE'S A QUOTE AND SEE WHAT DO YOU THINK? "Underlying the whole scheme of civilization is the confidence men have in each other, confidence in their integrity, confidence in their honesty, confidence in their future." - Bourke Cockran” (The caps were to show that the moderator was inserting an idea or thought into the discussion)

The conversation sort of went off in two directions for a while. One group which I’d call the intelligent, thinking group and which I just accidently belonged to went on to discuss how the division of labour, partially aided by the rise of agriculture had a major effect on the creation of civilizations.

The other group which I can’t think of a name for that wouldn’t be at least mildly demeaning decided to go to the dogs. Or first the wolves. Here’s an example:
“take for instance the ways in which a pack of wolves or a pride of lions interact with each other”
Or maybe:
“the cheetah civilization depends on quick trite kills to survive while the leopard is strong enough to enjoy a more lengthy conquest this are traits inherent in the animal civilizations”

I think we started talking about ants as well. The moderator, who still hadn’t removed her glasses spiked the conversation with a few “hmmm.. Interesting” every once in a while – which made me feel a bit like I was lying on Sigmund Freud’s couch. So I went off to dance.

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FBIng it

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You know those billboards that post your picture at a store or venue whenever you TP in? Those that say “Last Visitor” – and occasionally make you cringe because you, inadvertently of course, teleported to some place called “Hot Fetish Lovers”? Well, there is one more billboard (beyond the afore mentioned) where you really don’t want to show up.

The FBI, reports “Virtual Worlds News”, is experimenting with putting up billboards with their Ten Most Wanted fugitives on it.
I tried to find one, but putting “Ten Most Wanted” into search in SL gave me (and somehow I’m not surprised) “Ten Most Wanted Gor Slaves” as the first link.

Searching for FBI was equally unsuccessful. And somehow I feel that the FBI’s attempt to find fugitives via SL will not be any more successful. I mean, can you imagine looking for social deviants in SL? It’s hard enough avoiding them at times!

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