An Outline on Profiles

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I wish I could just walk up to someone in RL, tap my finger against his or, especially, her chest and then call up their profile. It solves loads of problems I have in the real world about connecting with others. Have I met them before? Do I really want to meet them? Are they a member of “69 Swinger’s Club”? It would also give me the material to start up a conversation. “Hi, I just read your profile. Cool! I think it’s great that senior citizens are so active. Who’s your favourite? Duke Ellington? Armstrong? Goodman?”

For that I just love profiles in SL and can spend hours, well maybe 15 minutes, browsing through them. While doing that I have discovered maybe 5 types of profile blurbs in the “About Me” section that I’d like to describe here.

1) Nothing in there:
I quickly check if the Avi is new and either stamp him or her as a noob and move on. On the other hand, if it’s a well dressed noob I tend to think I’ve probably discovered an Alt-Avi. In the end it doesn’t matter, if there is nothing in it I have nothing to comment on, except maybe “I really like the deep blackness of your profile, very becoming. WannadanceMoonbeam?”

2) Third Person Singular:
I’ve always found this mildly disconcerting, as if the user merely tags along after their avatar, maybe wondering why he or she (or it) suddenly does things. “Jeanna is a very romantic, loving person who is here to meet people of all sorts.” Okay. But that might mean “the person behind Jeanna is a mad psychopathic stalker and male”. The only thing worse then Third Person Singular would be to write “We are an elderly British woman seeking interesting people with whom one could exchange ideas”, I’ve never seen that though and I doubt the Queen logs on to SL much anyway.

3) The Heartbroken:
“Behind every Avi there’s a real person with feelings”. This or something like it blares out “I was conned/misused/double timed/let down”. It sounds soppy and even a little bit scary. It says “I’m looking for a deep romantic relationship” and I generally feel that’s something that should be said after a couple of meetings - at very least after a couple of drinks, not as an introduction. Besides that, it’s just not true. Behind every avatar there is not necessarily a real life person – there are enough Bots running around that hardly fulfill my interpretation of human. Okay, there are enough avatars with people behind them who don’t do that either...

4) The Quoters:
Put in a couple of lines from a song, a poem or even quote yourself. I don’t really have a problem with this if it’s done well. But I’ve read way too many mystic, romantic lines in other people’s profiles to whole heartedly endorse it. Like this:
“Be unto all my Love
Be safe, be free
By the seed of our passion
May we come undone
As we rest in the presence
Of each others arms”
Yikes!
(Note.. the poem does not actually end with “Yikes”, but maybe it should).

5) First Person Singular:
Ok, I’m biased because this is what I do. I fess up to who I am. I say just enough to get someone curious and scare off those I’d rather not get to know. I focus (as you probably can see) on “I”. Some might call it egocentric, egomaniac maybe. Eaton feels it’s the right thing to do, because behind every Avi there is a real life person and, should we ever meet, please, please remember:
“With all that I am
And all I can be
I want to write more
but must go for a wee”

BASS fishing

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I was talking to Tia recently about her ass, something I, unfortunately, rarely do. She’s off somewhere in that reclusive Neverneverland of SL “fiddling” with it, which makes me even keener to discuss it.

But as it turns out her definition of “fiddle” and mine part ways just after the first F. She’s merely slimming it down on her Avatar. To look better in a skirt.

Now, although Tia also lately theorized that I have “a buttocks thing” I can honestly say that I do not spend an exuberant amount of time staring at her behind – just once in a while when she darts off in front of me and I have to lumber along behind. And I never thought it needed any de-polstering.

Tia has a different opinion. Her rear looks big in skirts – but she quickly adds in that typical defensive female manner – all female butts in SL look fat in skirts. It’s some glitch in the mesh of the avatar apparently and a bigger (if you’ll excuse the use of the word) problem in SL then I ever realized. “To look good in a skirt I need to slim down the hips till I have almost a boyish appearance” Tia says. (My heart sinks). “But I’ll save the original shape for wearing bikinis and slacks.” (My heart returns to its normal position, maybe even a bit higher).

Talking to Tia about Bad Ass Skirt Syndrome - or BASS as we’ve coined it - has emotionalised me more to the problem and I now ogle other behinds in SL with a much more educated eye. I was told (actually by Tia) that every tenth female in SL is actually a male. At another time she mentioned that someone I had danced with had “very wide hips – only a man would do that”. I’ve cleverly combined the two thoughts and decided that I’ll pay much more attention to butts in SL then I have been. There are worse things a guy’s got to do...

What have the Goreans ever done for us??

Seemed like a chain short of a necklace to me.
Any Pro Gore's out there?

Gor Text

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If you ever want to be bored out of your mind, why not try visiting a Gorean Fireside Discussion. Although my knowledge of all things Gor can be written on a beer coaster (and still leave ample room for telephone numbers) I am actually quite excited before Tia and I TP off.

I envision heated arguments about the merit of one chain above another, some tips about slave keeping 101, harem organization, that sort of thing. Instead we discover a small group of people (and only two naked and chained unfortunately) who are passively talking about something I have no idea about and don’t really care to know.

As we arrive and get told off for offering greetings because the discussion has already begun, one of the members is just shooting off a six line statement from a “Lifesyle Gorean Kajira” ( I suspect as opposed to being a Slob Gorean Kajiras or a White Trash Gorean Kajiras). Heaven knows what a Kajira is, but I’m afraid to ask – Tia’s question (and the only good line that night) about where she can find a good chain store goes unheard, or at least ignored as the members drone on about Men being men and women being women (and slaves while they are at it). I briefly look around for something to eat, finger food or the like, but realize that Gors are not Gor-mets

To gain the right to speak, we learn, you must raise your hand (/me raises hand) and will then be called upon to speak. I thought Goreanism was all about running around with a sword and a nude woman on a leash – but apparently it’s more about reliving your school days (albeit while running around with a sword and a woman on a leash).