Nothing Rhymes with Orange

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I’d like to mention, again, that I don’t spend all my time dancing in clubs. I do other things. I do poetry for example. So I was delighted to discover a poetry reading to go to. I think I arrived (wearing a brown jacket with leather patches on the elbows, of course) with a few misconceptions though – for example that they would actually read my poem to the crowd – so my oeuvre about an agile, partly nocturnal, quadruple carnivorous animal with smooth fur and retractile claws that was reclining on a piece of coarse, woven material used as a protective covering for floors went unheard.

At the start I also failed to realize that the poems were being read over voice chat so I was a bit confused about all the applauding going on, but not really: Poets = Substance Abuse (see pic to the left as proof: Those were the people at the reading).

Having figured that out I proceeded to sit through a number of well read but slightly confusing poems. I was also a bit annoyed that they were reading poems from avatars who weren’t even present at the event – and I couldn’t find D.H. Lawrence’s or Margaret Atwood’s profile in search either! But I still hoped I’d hear the presenter saying “And now a poem from someone here. This is from Eaton and it’s called ‘The cat sat on the mat’”. But nope, she went on to read something called Clovis by Klannex Northmead – who was actually there and got two of his or her poems read. One was about being a Clovis arrow tip, if I remember correctly.

For being such a poetically inclined crowd the people there weren’t really that eloquent. “Applause!!!” and “Applauds!” seemed to be what any poem merited. I asked if we actually discussed the poems and was told that we didn’t, just listened. That’s poetic license for “shut the f**k up”, I guess. But they did talk a bit about ampersands for a while – which I personally believe should be read aloud as their ASCII number, but I guess I’m the minority view on that.

With a last poem from the presenter things closed down. I wanted to go away with everybody to a nice pub to discuss the poems – and maybe quickly tell them my own. But my suggestion fell on deaf ears. Snotty, snub poet lovers!

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Trying to be civilized

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Lest you think that I spend all my time on SL frivolously wasting my time away in clubs, I can assure you that I don’t. Well, as of yesterday I can, at least. Having nothing better to do I decided to go out and do something for my edyoukayshun and happily discovered a discussion group discussing “Civilization”.

We were a small crowd of normal SLers, a few humans, a guy in a suit of armor and a cat-headed giant lollypop, a small green robot- The discussion was moderated by a woman that looked like one of those actresses in a Hollywood movie who plays the role of the bookworm but would eventually remove her glasses, release her hair and you find out she wears lacy underwear. She didn’t actually.

This is how it started: “A HOME TO OR A COMMUNITY? HOW DOES IT AFFECT US ? AND WHY IS THERE CIVILIZATION WHEN WE CAN LIVE ALONE? ... HERE'S A QUOTE AND SEE WHAT DO YOU THINK? "Underlying the whole scheme of civilization is the confidence men have in each other, confidence in their integrity, confidence in their honesty, confidence in their future." - Bourke Cockran” (The caps were to show that the moderator was inserting an idea or thought into the discussion)

The conversation sort of went off in two directions for a while. One group which I’d call the intelligent, thinking group and which I just accidently belonged to went on to discuss how the division of labour, partially aided by the rise of agriculture had a major effect on the creation of civilizations.

The other group which I can’t think of a name for that wouldn’t be at least mildly demeaning decided to go to the dogs. Or first the wolves. Here’s an example:
“take for instance the ways in which a pack of wolves or a pride of lions interact with each other”
Or maybe:
“the cheetah civilization depends on quick trite kills to survive while the leopard is strong enough to enjoy a more lengthy conquest this are traits inherent in the animal civilizations”

I think we started talking about ants as well. The moderator, who still hadn’t removed her glasses spiked the conversation with a few “hmmm.. Interesting” every once in a while – which made me feel a bit like I was lying on Sigmund Freud’s couch. So I went off to dance.

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FBIng it

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You know those billboards that post your picture at a store or venue whenever you TP in? Those that say “Last Visitor” – and occasionally make you cringe because you, inadvertently of course, teleported to some place called “Hot Fetish Lovers”? Well, there is one more billboard (beyond the afore mentioned) where you really don’t want to show up.

The FBI, reports “Virtual Worlds News”, is experimenting with putting up billboards with their Ten Most Wanted fugitives on it.
I tried to find one, but putting “Ten Most Wanted” into search in SL gave me (and somehow I’m not surprised) “Ten Most Wanted Gor Slaves” as the first link.

Searching for FBI was equally unsuccessful. And somehow I feel that the FBI’s attempt to find fugitives via SL will not be any more successful. I mean, can you imagine looking for social deviants in SL? It’s hard enough avoiding them at times!

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Perfect Measurements: 43-29-43

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There are things in SL you ask people you wouldn’t dream of doing in RL. Like the question “What’s your breast size,” just to grab an example out of the air. Well, I’ve just done that with three friends.

But before you think I’m overly mammary mesmerized, may I explain: I’ve been wondering what the perfect measurements in SL might be. I’m not even sure what they are considered to reach in RL, but Google tells me it might just be 36-24-36, though those might be the numbers before augmentation came of age. Well, from the little data I gleamed from my friends and then averaged, measurements in SL are 55-32-39. (NB: It’s not Bust/Waist/Hips in SL but Breast Size/Love Handles/Hip Width I’m working with here.)

My friends don’t even appear that busty in SL, but at that ratio they’d be wandering around in RL with 43 size breasts. A nice thought, but I digress.

Let’s draw our eyes, reluctantly, from breast size to the hips. Using the same waist to breast ratio SL-women in RL would have 43 size hips. Imagine how often you’d have to say “No, of course it doesn’t look fat in those jeans”. It also tells me that my female friends in SL make their hips a bit smaller in SL.

Fiddling around with the math a bit more, I come to the result that the perfect waist size in SL – if 43 is the perfect breast and hip size – should be 29. Interestingly enough a much smaller number than my friends have chosen. Anyway, something to ponder.

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Twitters from SL

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Why do I have to do all the work, I've thought. Isn't the real secret of success in getting others to do things for you - isn't that what Web 2.0 is all about? Well, with that thought in mind I've decided to, occassionaly, post little quotes and quirps from other people here that I gleamed from conversations and chats. Today's guest: Kenn Price, DJ and very funny guy!

Kenn Price: hated pole dancing
Kenn Price: they suck on conversation
Kenn Price: and it never thanked me once at the end of the night

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Aaaaaaww... sniff, give me a hanky

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"The Internet has an amazing capacity to allow people to self-sort—to find and engage with like-minded others. That will have impacts for courtship and dating that go beyond anything we've ever seen."

That’s not me that said it, but Harvard Law professor Cass Sunstein in an article in Newsweek. (Actually, I’ve said it before but no one was listening).

While there rest of the media world is doing a bit of a collective public circle jerk about Lindens decision to add a new “Adult” category to its previous PG and Mature, Newsweek has gone off to examine love in the virtual world. And not this usual type of reporting.

Instead, Newsweek seems to come to the conclusion that love in a virtual world isn’t all that bad. “(…) getting to know someone gradually, with patience and attention, seems a whole lot healthier than a drunken proposition in a bar.” It is, especially if the boyfriend’s just coming back from the toilet. Not that I’m speaking out of any previous experience.

Anyway, it’s nice to see that some magazines do report on the brighter sides of SL and its opportunities. If you do need a feel good moment when you’re considering that you spend too much time online, just give the article a read.

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I'm shocked!

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And yes, even after a few years wandering around SL and discovering Goths, Furries, BSDM places, Escort Islands and that Sunday morning Bible hour.

I’m shocked because Taser is suing SL as Bloomberg reports here: “Taser, the world’s biggest maker of stun guns, claims San Francisco-based Linden Research Inc. is damaging the company’s reputation and hurting its sales by allowing virtual weapons to be sold online under the Taser brand name, according to a 102- page complaint filed April 17 in federal court in Phoenix.”

Damaging the company’s reputation? Wouldn’t that be a bit like Heckler and Koch suing some amok shooter? What reputation?

Hurting its sales? Because people who buy a Taser in SL decide they don’t want one in real life? If that were the case a lot of people on SL wouldn’t be having sex in real life. Errr…. well, that may be the case, but anyway!

The Taser complaint goes on to wine ““All of the defendants that sell virtual weaponry like plaintiff’s real ones, under the mark Taser for use in the Second Life programs and grids, also sell adult-only explicit images and scenes”. They also sell drugs, the complaint adds. I don’t know, but maybe you’ll tell me, dear reader.

Does Taser just possible advertise in “Girls and Guns” and “Boobs ‘n’ Bang” or whatever those magazines are called? Sounds like Taser is just sounding shocked to drum up a bit of advertising. Well, it got them mentioned here at least.

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